The Marriage & Motherhood Podcast: Doing Things For Your Partner Isn't Enough To Feel Connected

Uncategorized Nov 28, 2023

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If it seemed easier for you to feel connected with your husband before having kids, this one mistake could be the reason why.

As soon as couples become parents, the responsibilities grow exponentially and they start doing things for each other and forget or deprioritize to do things with each other.

As parents, the shift from spontaneous date nights to navigating the challenges of adulting and parenting is real.

The Evolution of Responsibilities

As couples transition from carefree date nights to juggling the demands of adulting and parenting, an inevitable shift occurs. The exponential growth in responsibilities extends beyond only caring for yourself to the complexity of raising little humans. It's a universal experience—one where the focus often shifts towards completing tasks rather than fostering connection.

Acts of Service vs. True Connection

While acts of service, like sharing the load of household chores, can create a sense of appreciation, they fall short in cultivating a deep emotional connection. Helping and being helped can lead to the feeling of being loved, but feeling loved does not equate to feeling connected, a truth often overlooked in the chaos of parenthood. Merely doing things for your partner and actively engaging in shared experiences that strengthen the marital bond are not the same.

Parental Reflection: Rediscovering True Connection

Take a moment to reflect on your own childhood. Did your parents' acts of service leave you feeling connected, or was it the quality time spent together that created the core memories you hold so near and dear to your heart and created the strongest bonds? Parenthood is an opportunity to reassess our priorities and understand that doing things with our partner has a greater impact than doing things for each other.

The Impact on Communication: Where Connection Is Key

Communication, is often thought as they key to successful relationships, but the truth is that it loses its power without a strong emotional connection. A lack of connection can lead to misunderstandings, defensiveness, and strained communication, but with connection, conflict can actually be easier to resolve and result in strengthening the relationship.

Prioritizing Connection: Intentionality in Action

Connection is essential for all relationships and even if parenthood means limited time and energy,  it must be prioritized and with intentional effort, it can strengthen the bond between you and your husband. From scheduling dedicated time in your calendar to infusing creativity into your shared moments, you can build a foundation rooted in connection while raising kids.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words: Aligning Priorities

In the world of marriage, actions speak louder than words. While a lot of couples will quickly say they prioritize their marriage, making sure your actions aligned with said priorities is essential. From scheduling intentional time together to infusing creativity into your shared moments, there are countless ways you can create connection and memories that works for your lifestyle.

Key Takeaways: Nurturing Genuine Connection

  • Connection Over Tasks: Understand that doing things with your partner holds more weight than doing things for them. Genuine connection is the key to a thriving marriage.

  • Intentional Time Together: Be deliberate about how you spend time with your partner. Quality time doesn't always require grand gestures; thoughtful intentionality goes a long way.


Relentless Pursuit: If your marriage matters, approach it with the same energy, inspiration, and persistence as other meaningful aspects of your life. Make it a relentless pursuit.

Other episodes you might enjoy:

  • Ep. 85 - 3 Mistakes To Stop Making For A Stronger Marriage After Kids
  • Ep. 84 - Parenting & Partnership: A Fresh Start For Your Marriage
  • Ep. 75 - Your Marriage or Your Kids: What Comes First?
  • Ep. 61 - Are You Being A Partner or A Roommate?
  • Ep. 41 - How To Have a Marriage That's Fun, Passionate and Supportive
  • Ep. 31 - How To Have The Energy To Connect With Your Spouse After Kids


5 Questions To Go From
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