So you’re unhappy in your marriage. It’s not meeting your expectations and you’re just not getting what you needed.
Perhaps you thought you’d spend more time together or have more partnership or fight less.
Whatever the reasons are, the truth behind why you’re unhappy is because you have unconsciously written a marriage manual in your head that you haven’t shared with your husband and you are judging him for everything he’s not doing that you expect him to do.
In other words, you have expectations that he isn’t even aware of nor has he agreed to said expectations! How fair does that sound?!
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. We all do it.
You have this image of what happiness in your marriage looks like and if his actions don’t measure up to that, you get disappointed and you take it out on him.
However, since he doesn’t know, he probably thinks you’re a little crazy and overreacting. Sound familiar
Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you hanging. Here’s what you can do about it.
For some preventative work, take some time to think about everything that you need from him and your marriage to feel fulfilled and talk about it with him! Basically, it’s time to be transparent girl! Ask him the same! Take this as a learning opportunity to fulfill each other’s needs. Work as a team to come up with a solution so that the two of you get what you each need individually and as a couple!
Now with that said, we can’t always anticipate every single need. Any time you find yourself reacting strongly to something, ask yourself what you thought was going to happen and where the disappointment is coming from. What did you need from him or yourself in that moment? What’s done is done, but how can you each learn from this to grow stronger?
Choose to look at your arguments as opportunities to grow together rather than as evidence why marriage is hard.
In short, be transparent! If you find that you expected something to happen, figure out why you expected that and what you needed. As always, come from a place of compassion and curiosity rather than blame.