Every coaching call I have, I find myself coaching about the same three things. They come to me frustrated about something that happened and they’re looking for guidance on how to fix things or calm down and work through their stuff.
Here are the 3 things you need to STOP doing if you’d like your marriage to move forward or you’ll end up divorced or a very bitter woman/wife/mom.
Stop blaming him for everything
You have a part in where your marriage is today. It’s time to stop blaming your husband for all of it! Blaming never works out well. It only puts people on the defense. Continuing down that path will only get you more of what you’re already experiencing.. a BIG HOT MESS!
When you’re triggered, stop and take a look at what baggage you’re bringing into the conversation. Your baggage is YOUR baggage, don’t make it his!
Your baggage affects how you feel and believe and it has nothing to do with him. In other words, OWN YOUR SHIT. By not owning it, you are allowing it to sabotage your relationship.
Stop thinking it’s about you
When you argue, are you trying to win? Stop arguing like it’s a competition! The only way to win in your marriage is to win together, so quit approaching the conflict needing to win.
Wanting to win an argument is only going to create distance and more conflict in your relationship. Stop making it about yourself and start listening like a partner would. Listen with curiosity, empathy, and acknowledge him, not to clap back.
Do what you SHOULD do not what you want to do
When we’re angry, we can do crazy things. Start doing things you SHOULD do instead of what you want to do, because if we do things we want to do, things can go sideways REAL quick. Do things to create connection instead of conflict.
You know the phrase, WWJD? Think, what would a happy wife do? Show up as HER, even if you’re not happy yet. Chances are if you continue to show up as a happy wife, you’ll improve your odds of actually becoming a happy wife rather than staying a scorned wife.