Whenever people have issues, the first thing people recommend is to talk about it with their husband. What if you’re done talking because it feels like they just don’t listen? What if talking to them is the LAST thing you want to do right now? Maybe if you talk to them your head will explode or your words will shoot out of your mouth like bullets.
The first step is to start focusing on what you want (a happy and healthy marriage) rather than what you don’t want. If you put your energy on what you hate, you can easily stay stuck in a negative mindset that your marriage won’t get better. Guess what? If that’s what you believe, then you’re right. It won’t! Try focusing on what IS going right and what you want.
For example, being a millionaire requires a different way of thinking than a poor person might think. The wealthy think about how to use what they have (money) to create more of what they want (money), whereas the less fortunate may have trouble letting go of money because they’re scared they won’t get more. But in order for the poor person to get OUT of their situation, they must think and act like a wealthy person. So if you want a healthy marriage, you need to think and act AS IF you’re in a healthy one! Practice gratitude for what you have, start thinking about how someone in a healthy marriage would respond, and build on that to create MORE things you love about your marriage.
Basically, focus on what’s right and your vision for your marriage instead of what’s wrong. One way to do this is to write down positive affirmations that have to do with your marriage! Put this into practice enough, your perspective will shift towards a solution oriented mindset rather than a problem mindset. If you’d like some inspiration, here are some positive marriage affirmations to get you started!
The general rule with upleveling ANY part of you or your life is to surround yourself with the people who have what you want. Have you heard of the saying that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with? Same thing. If you want your marriage to be healthier, spend more time with people who have better marriages than you and less time with those who have it worse. Spend time with people who are actively putting in the work to improve things and less time with people complaining about how awful their marriage is. Get my drift? Surround yourself with people who inspire you and can lift you up! Our time is limited, so curate the influence you let into your life. If you want a positive life, then put more positivity in it! Let their successful habits influence you to make healthy choices for you and your marriage.
Are you clear on what you want changed? Stop and give yourself space and time to fully understand what it is that you want. Not the petty vengeful wants, but what will ACTUALLY bring you closer. Remember, your goal is to have a healthy marriage, so it’s time to give up the unhealthy behaviors. If you want to work on your marriage, commit to your goal and do everything in your power to support that goal! If you can’t be proud of what you do, then you probably shouldn’t do it.
Another thing is knowing what you want requires being specific about it. Saying you want a better marriage could mean VERY different things to both of you. You might want more intimacy, whereas he might want healthier communication. Once you figure out what “better” means to you, get specific! If you want more intimacy, what does that look like? A date once a week? Sex 6x a month? Set a measurable goal so it’s clear what your expectations are! But remember, you’re one of two in the marriage so some compromising may be needed. Lastly, understand why these changes are important to you. What would be the impact on you if you were able to have these changes realized? Just to throw it out there, “because I said so” is not a legit reason. Knowing exactly what you need before going into a conversation will make it a WHOLE LOT more productive.
To sum it up, 3 things you can do to help your marriage is to focus on having a healthy mindset about your marriage, surround yourself with people who have the kind of marriage you want, and understand exactly what you want! The more you understand yourself and curate your thoughts and what you expose yourself to, you will begin to notice a shift in your marriage. Best part? You don’t even have to talk to your husband to do any of these things! How great is that?