3 Pillars of Having A Successful Marriage

Is your marriage starting to fall apart? You’ve tried everything you can think of and what all your friends have recommended, but nothing seems to be working.

Before trying anything else, I want you to consider where your marriage is lacking when it comes to these 3 pillars that I think every marriage needs in order to survive and thrive.

Self Love

Let’s just get into it. This is an essential pillar to have in life in general. EVERYONE needs to get this down or everything else in life will seem to be a struggle and fall apart.

Self love is made up of several arenas:

  1. Self acceptance

  2. Self care

  3. Forgiveness

  4. Self Awareness

  5. Growth

I bet if you took an honest look at how you’re doing in these 5 arenas, you can find some that you could develop more.

Effective and Compassionate Communication

This second pillar is important to master in order to grow together. When there’s an allowance for a lack of standards when it comes to communicating, this is where marriages can fall apart. Whether it be from hurt feelings or a betrayal of trust, exercising effective and compassionate communication will help reduce pain in the marriage in the long term.

  1. Be assertive

  2. Be self aware

  3. Acknowledge

  4. Be curious

Mastering these arenas will help you and your husband turn fights into productive disagreements. If you keep the goal of the conversation to come out with a team solution, the disagreement becomes a growing opportunity for the two of you rather than a war. Prioritize having the right relationship over being right.


The final pillar is what will allow your marriage to grow leaps and bounds over time. Taking accountability for each of your actions is what will invite vulnerability into the marriage so that both of you can feel seen and heard. Without this, you will forever be individuals in a marriage rather than a united team who also each has autonomy.

  1. Apologize mindfully

  2. Take responsibility and ownership for yourself

  3. Be transparent

  4. Have standards

  5. Be trustworthy

We are all human and therefore we are flawed. We each bring our baggage and beliefs about ourselves into the marriage (and life) and we need to be responsible for our behavior when it negatively impacts the marriage. An example of this happening would be when you get really upset over something that seems trivial to your husband. Check your ego and figure out the deeper reason for you reacting the way you did. There’s always a reason.