5 Love Languages

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse speak two different languages?? Well, I’m here to tell you, you’re probably right! You two may have completely different love languages! What in the heck is a love language you ask? It’s what each of us needs in order to FEEL loved. Your definition of what it means to feel loved and appreciated can be the exact opposite of your spouse’s.

 
 

Picture this scenario, you just want your husband to shower you with attention and take you out on dates. Since he’s not doing that, you start thinking that he must not love you enough to do that and you end up planning the dates. From his perspective, he just wants you to help him feel less stressed at home by keeping the house organized and tidy. Since you’re not doing that, he feels like you don’t love him enough to clean up and he sacrifices his free time to take care of chores on the weekends. What happens next? You’re upset that all he cares about is keeping the house in order when you just want him to take a break and spend time with you and he’s upset because he thinks that you keep putting off tidiness for going out. See the problem here?

After reading Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages”, I think that a lot of relationships would go a lot smoother if people knew what each other’s love languages were. Who wants to stay in a relationship where you don’t feel loved? But, what if you ARE loved, you just aren’t getting what you need how you need it? You wouldn’t say you communicated effectively with someone who only spoke a different language than you, would you?

According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages. That means that each person can have from one to five different love languages, all of varying degrees. Makes you wish each person came with a manual, huh? Thanks to Gary, we have a much easier way of figuring out how to make our efforts count.

Here are the 5 love languages:

5-love-languages-life-coach-relationship.jpg

Let me break down for you what they each mean and tips on what you can do to show you love someone according to their love language. It’s about them after all, right?

 
acts-of-service-vacuum-chores-husband-lazy-granted-do-everything-house-resent.png
 

Acts of Service

How they feel loved:
Take the time and effort to do something on their behalf. This could be for things they normally do or things they didn’t know they needed.

What you can do:
Do their chores for them
Make them dinner
Fill up their gas tank
Take care of the kids so they can sleep in

 
 

Words of Affirmation

How they feel loved:
These people feel loved with genuine communication. They want to hear how you feel and verbal reassurance goes a long way!

What you can do:
Say sorry when you mess up
Express gratitude and appreciation when it’s due
Offer words of encouragement
Be empathetic to what they’re going through
Give kudos when they do something incredible

 
 

Quality Time

How they feel loved:
Show them they’re your #1 by spending uninterrupted time with them. The 1:1 attention helps them feel connected with you.

What you can do:
Ignore your phone and have a good ol’ conversation with them
Look them in the eyes when you guys are talking
Avoid multi-tasking
Prioritize regular date nights (even if it’s a date night in!)

 
 

Physical Touch

How they feel loved:
They just want to be close to you and feel connected, physically.

What you can do:
Hold hands
Kiss
Hug
Tickles
Massages
Sitting close to each other
Initiate sex

 
 

Receiving Gifts

How they feel loved:
These people feel seen and loved when you buy them gifts because it means you were thinking of them when you two were away. The gift doesn’t have to be materialistic if that’s not what they’re into.

What you can do:
Bring home a gallon of ice cream or their comfort food when they’re having a crappy day
Buy something they’ve been eyeing but haven’t had the guts to pull the trigger
Bring back a souvenir when traveling without them
Buy “just because” gifts

 
 

Phew! Now that you have an understanding of each love language, do you know what YOUR love language is? Lucky for you, there’s a quiz for that! Do yourself and your partner or future partner a favor and take the quiz! Knowledge is power! If your significant other doesn’t want to take the time to take it, do what I did with my husband.. I read it to my husband and took the test for him.

Now, go try this on your partner and see how it transforms your relationship! If you’re interested in learning more, buy the (affiliate link) book!

Summary

To sum it up, here are the 5 different love languages:

  1. Acts of Service

  2. Words of Affirmation

  3. Quality Time

  4. Physical Touch

  5. Receiving Gifts

If you’d like to hit the restart button on your marriage, download my free cheat sheet below to learn ways to reconnect in your marriage!

Xo
Michelle


Unsure of how to get your marriage back on track?
Sign up below to receive a free download with 9 ways to do that!